It all makes sense now:
I realized this a few days ago and it’s not until now that I’ve really understood what I had to do.
I harbor resentment. Ever since I was a child, I never knew how to deal with wrongs done to me but I always expected people to be understanding of me and my feelings. My grandmother, who raised me, always told me to forgive but never taught me how to stop the hurt. And I would replay the bad things in my mind and the resentment and anger would build and build.
I’m 20 now and I’m still acting as if I were 12. I’m not perfect and neither are my friends or family. I hurt people just as much as they hurt me even though I don’t realize it. Instead of focusing on the things people have done to me, I should tell them how I feel and let it go. I thought I could,but I realize I do hold them accountable for the negative shit and don’t let go.
I just hope that the people I owe apologies to who have been met with the brunt of my bitterness will forgive and let go. By harboring resentment, all I’m doing is infecting hatred and negativity into all of my friendships and relationships.