Summer ’13 has Begun

by cracksinthecanvas

Photo on 2013-05-19 at 19.14 #2 So much has happened since my last post, I don’t really know how to begin. I was completely happy, completely content with my life until Ken came into my life. Until I began to feel myself go down the rabbit hole of self-destructive insecurities. We used to be awesome, now I don’t really want to talk to him or be around him. Although I miss those nights when we’d kiss for hours and fool around, I don’t miss not knowing what to do with myself. Long distance relationships aren’t good for me.

My relationship with my friends have been kind of strained recently. I’m in this constant state of denial, of insecurity, of ambivalence and apathy, I’m not really sure what to do. I miss home a lot. I miss being around people who completely understand me and my ways. I miss not having to explain my actions or my thoughts all the time. I miss just being. Moody, sullen, me. Although I’m not always like that. I have a lot of great days, days where the sun is shining and I’m shining with it. I have days where I’m glad to be alive. I have days where I’m content with my life. But those days are usually cut short because negativity creeps in and ruins my mood, my mind, and my life for a while.

I should write more, but i’m already tired.